Title: For you あなたのために
Series: Circle of Life series
Fandom: Uta no Prince sama (UtaPri)
Summary: Everything is for you. Just for you. I don’t need anything else but to see you smile. Your smile lit up my already dim world. Would you please smile for me? But that’s impossible because you’re now his. Even so I’m happy that you’re happy.
Pairing: one-sided NatsuSyo; implied SyoKaze (AiSyo)
Characters: Shinomiya Natsuki, Kurusu Syo, Mikaze Ai, Kotobuki Reiji, Ittoki Otoya
Tags: Hurt/Comfort; Angst
Warning: Depression; Self-harm
Notes: Half the story is based off a true story
For you あなたのために
Silence. Its the best treatment. Especially to those who really need it. Depression. An illness that could cause you everything. People never show, they hide it. They keep it. But some people know for sure that person has a problem. And they try to reach out to that person. Help them. Save them. Its not a mission. Its not an order. Its because they care, that is why they want to help.
“Piyo~ Piyo~ Pi~yo Piyo Piyo-chan~!” Natsuki sang happily. They were on their day off from work, the time to relax. Natsuki decided to just hang out in the dorm room, fanboying over his collection of Piyo-chan merchandise. As he was humming one of his songs the door clicked open. “Hm? Ah Syo~chan okaeri!” He chirped. “Ah tadaima.” Syo said and proceed to lay on his bed. “Hmm?” Natsuki blinked. ‘Syo-chan, he…looks sad..’ Natsuki walk over to Syo and sat beside his bed. “Syo-chan? Are you okay?” Syo look at him. “I’m fine Natsuki.” He said and give a soft smile. “Syo-chan you’re not fine! There’s something wrong is it?” Natsuki ask. Syo shook his head, “No I’m fine. Seriously, I’m fine. You don’t have to worry about me.” He said.
Natsuki frown, he sighed and left the room. ‘Syo-chan likes to keep secrets! Ugh, I hate it when he does that. Giving a fake smile and saying he’s fine. I know his fake smiling because he really sucks at fake smiling. It looks creepy every time he does that.’ Natsuki thought as he walk down the hallway. “Ah Nacchan! Ohayo machachan~!” Reiji greeted him. “Hm? Oh Rei-chan-senpai! Ohayo~” Natsuki greeted him back. “Ehh Nacchan why do you look sad? Is something wrong?” Reiji asked him. Natsuki nodded, “Yup, something is wrong with Syo-chan.” “What’s wrong with Syo?” Another voice interrupted them. They turn to see Otoya standing there with a lollipop in hand.
“Ohayo Otoyan~!” “Ohayo Rei-chan, Nacchan.” He said and give a close eye grin. “So what’s wrong with Syo?” Otoya ask. “Syo-chan, he look sad when he came back to the dorm just now. I ask him what’s wrong and he told me that he was fine. But I know he was not because he was giving me one of his fake smiles.” Natsuki explain. “Talk about Syo, I bumped into him just now and he looks like he was about to cry.” Reiji said. “Did you ask him anything?” Natsuki ask. Reiji shook his head, “Nope. Because he speed off the minute he saw me.” He said. “I’m scared that he will do something reckless.”
“Like?” Natsuki look at Reiji and Otoya, “He, play…with knives..” Natsuki said and looked down. Otoya’s and Reiji’s eyes widen. “That’s bad!” Otoya exclaim. Natsuki nodded, “We need to help him.” “Maybe, we should push him to tell us?” Reiji suggested. “That might work…” And so they did.
Everyday they will push Syo to tell but he didn’t budge. He stayed silent, fake smiled and says that “he’s okay”. But they know he isn’t. They try, day after day. Waiting for that day where he will spill everything.
“Syo!” Otoya called out to him. “Yo, Otoya. What is it?” Syo said. “Nee, ano… I’m going out to watch a movie. Wanna join?” Otoya asked cheerfully. “Etto…sure, I guess? I need to ask senpai if it’s okay.” “It’s not okay.” A high pitched girly voice said from behind. They turn to see Ai leaning against the wall, helding a notebook in his hand. “You need to finish that assignment I left on your table. Finish it by the evening or no dinner for you.” Ai said in his monotone voice and left. Syo gritted his teeth and curl his hand in a fist. “Syo?” “I’m sorry Otoya, I gotta go.” Syo said and ran to his dorm room. Syo slam the door close and slide down the door.
Still gritting his teeth, he held back his tears. “Syo-chan?” Syo look up. “Natsuki..” Syo’s eyes were red. Seeing his friend in that state, Natsuki pull Syo’s arm and wrap him in a warm hug unlike his usual bone breaking hugs. “Syo-chan, don’t hold it back anymore. Cry it out. Its useless hiding it.” Syo still grit his teeth, but before he knew it he start bawling his eyes out. Natsuki pat his back and his head. Whispering encouraging words and calming him down. “Ssh, it’s okay now. I’m here. Tell me Syo, what happen?” “It’s so hard to please people. It’s so hard.” Syo said between sobs.
After Syo calm down a little, Natsuki let him go. “Syo-chan your hand!” Syo look at his hand stained with his blood that was draw out because of his nails. “Wait here I’ll go get some band aid and antiseptic.” Syo just stare at his hand, more blood drawing out from it. “What is pain..?” He whispered. After wrapping his hand with a band aid, Natsuki and Syo sat down on the couch. Natsuki made chamomile tea for Syo to calm himself more. “So? Would you tell me what happen Syo-chan?” Natsuki ask him, careful in his words to not push him too much. Syo nodded, “I will tell you Natsuki..” And he did. He told Natsuki every single thing.
“So, Syo felt ignored?” “Yup.” “By Ai-Ai?” Natsuki nod. “Syo-chan likes Ai-chan-senpai but Ai-chan-senpai keeps ignoring him and Ai-chan-senpai always insult him in a way that he felt ignored or unwanted. Moreover, the pressure of work had been bugging him.” Natsuki explained the situation to Reiji and Otoya. “I must say, Ai-Ai is quite harsh. But I didn’t expect his harshness to take its toll on Syo.” “Me neither.” The three of them sat in silence, processing everything again. “Oh that’s right!” Natsuki exclaim. “I have a photoshoot out of the state for two days, could you take care of Syo-chan for me?” Natsuki ask them, Otoya and Reiji nodded. “Of course we can!” “Yeah, you can count on us to take care of him.”
“Syo~chan!” Natsuki cheerful voice could be heard from the other line. Syo remove his phone from his ear. “Ugh, could you not shout Natsuki?” “Ehehe~ Syo-chan how are you doing?” Syo rolled his eyes, “Natsuki you were just gone for like half the day. I’m doing just fine.” “You are? I’m happy to hear that!” Natsuki chirped. “By the way, what are you doing now Syo-chan?” “Err..” Syo glance at the bloodstained knife on the sink. “You’re not doing anything reckless are you?” Natsuki’s voice turned serious. “O-Of course not! I’m just watching tv. The prince of fighting newest episode!” Well, that wasn’t completely a lie. He did watch it just now. “Oh I see! Well see you on Monday Syo-chan! Bye~!” “B-bye!” Syo stutter. He sighed, that was a close one. “Gomen ne.” He whispered and clean the knife.
Two days past by quickly as Natsuki walk to his dorm room. “Syo-chan I’m home!” He chirped as he open the door. “Oh okaeri!” Syo try to lift his left arm but stop midway. Natsuki eye Syo’s left arm. Syo started to feel uncomfortable as he try to hide his left arm. “Syo-chan give me your arm.” “W-why?” “Give me your left arm.” Natsuki’s tone was dead serious. Syo shook his head softly. Natsuki immediately snatch Syo’s left arm. “Ouch!” He rolled up Syo’s sleeve and saw several cut marks. He look up at Syo and Syo looked away, not wanting to make any eye contact.
“Syo-chan, what did I tell you?” “I’m sorry.” Syo whispered. “But it felt nice.” Natsuki sigh and took the antiseptic in his drawer. Carefully, Natsuki apply some. “O-ow!” “Syo-chan, why did you do this? Does it involve Ai-chan-senpai again?” Natsuki ask him. “Sorta.” Silence then enveloped the two. “Syo-chan?” “Yeah.” “Do me a favor.” “Sure.” “Please don’t cut yourself anymore.” Natsuki look up to him. “Speak. You can Syo-chan. I want you to tell me. Not suffer alone. Please Syo-chan, I don’t want to see you like this. I love you, even if just as a friend I don’t want to see you suffer. I want to see you smile again. Not by force but sincerely. I want my old Syo-chan back. That Otokogi Zenkai Syo-chan! Bring me back that Syo-chan. Please?” Natsuki begged.
“I-I promise. I won’t do it again. I’ll tell you everything. I promise.” Natsuki smile. “Thank you Syo.”
Days past and apparently the bond between Syo and Ai built. Reiji and Natsuki went to talk to Ai, at first he was reluctant but turns out he bare the same feelings as Syo, it’s just that he was confuse that is why he treated him like that. Syo was happy when Ai confessed. He forgived him. And he smiled again, this time from deep down in his heart. A genuine smile he promise to Natsuki. And Natsuki was happy, even though he didn’t notice that deep down he is hurting. He felt pain. He felt jealousy but he pushed it away.
“Nacchan, it’s not good hiding it you know.” Otoya said. “It’s okay Otoya-kun. If he’s happy then I’m happy. I want to see him like that. Always smiling and I’ll always smile.” Natsuki said. “Nacchan, you are sure good at hiding your real feelings with your smile. You’re unlike Syo. You really know how to hide and lie.” Natsuki smile. “I guess, that’s in my nature. People won’t notice it anyway. And I’m glad if they don’t. Keep this a secret okay Otoya-kun.” He said and winked. Otoya patted his shoulder. “I will. But don’t let yourself suffer too much. You won’t know what it will do to you.” Otoya said and walk away.
Natsuki smile, a tear escaping his eye. “I won’t. Because I’m use to it.” Natsuki look at Ai and Syo outside the window. “I’ll always be there for you, even if it hurts me I want to stay by your side. Because your smile kept me alive. And just because of that. I want to see you smiling always. And I too will always be by your side. Because everything I do is just for you. Zutto, anata ni soba ni ittekurette.”
Author’s note: Dear fellow readers, this was based on a true story. Sad isn’t it? Well, I hope you enjoy this and hope to see you soon! Bye for now~