I am determined

You know how you’re usually shy and scared of people’s thoughts about you and you like to keep some extra stuffs about you hidden? But then you found something that will make people prove you worthy, so now you’re determined to do that. To make people think you’re worthy.

That’s my situation right now.

I am a girl who is really really shy. My confidence level is 0. Yes, I lack self-confidence. But I have hobby, an interest. I love writing.

Back when I was young I had no particular talent or things that is special and excites me. Really anti-social, that’s me. During one of my exams, we have to write essays and that’s when I found my likes. I like to write. I also like to write sad, angsty story. In our first essay exam I wrote an essay that I’m really proud of. Even my teacher is proud of me.

Now that I think about, that teacher probably liked it cuz I’m the only malay student manage to get into the top class in a chinese school.. That aside, my teacher praised me for my work. The essay I wrote was about an abandoned umbrella. Lol I know that’s lame but at that time essay title was pretty much something simple for young kids. But thanks to that essay I found something I like, writing.

From that day onward, I pretty much got lost in my own little world while writing. My imagination amaze me at that time. That was until our local language(I seriously don’t know how to put this in a good way)teacher got changed. Not only that by essay writing rules got change too, we are not allowed to write negative story (well f*** that look at the amount of angst story with dead characters I’ve write). I freaking hated our new teacher because she treated me like trash, I mean I realize I’m different but you don’t have to be racist and treat me like trash.

SHE GAVE ME A ‘B’ IN OUR LOCAL LANGUAGE TEST. I’M LIKE UM HELLO I DON’T SUCK THAT MUCH IN MY NATIVE LANGUAGE LIKE I GET AN ‘A’ AND ABOVE 90% EVERY TIME AND MY ESSAYS DON’T SUCK THAT MUCH??? She gave me like 20 marks on my essays. WOW TEACH, THANKS. After that I kinda lose interest in writing heh.

When I write I wasn’t really in my ‘own little world’ but more like I’m force to write for a good grade. Though after getting 2 Bs for my test I was like “what? Does my essay suck that much??”. I did better on the third test though. I prove to her that my writing skills is fairly fine. But meh idk writing was no more a thing for me.

Not until I met the world of fanfictions. Thanks internet.62292768

After reading a few fanfics I have this feeling in me that say I want to write. And I did. My world became more wide and I see things in different perspective. I know its weird but its true. I’ve become attached to writing. I also found out that when my mom was at the same age like me she liked to write sad, angsty short story. I got all my personalities and interest from my mom pssh. When I enter high school, no one actually knows that I write. A few of my friends do know though but mostly don’t. I don’t want them to know cuz writing is like something precious and should be kept private in my life. Besides, even if people know its not like people think my works is something to be proud of. I’m a mere girl stuck in high school while high school never fails to be a d*** each day. Life, sigh.

BUT GUESS WHO FOUND AN OPPORTUNITY FOR HER TO PROVE HERSELF TO PEOPLE THAT WRITING IS ANOTHER FORM OF TALENT WORTH SHARING. THIS GAL.

I found an essay writing competition that really peeks my interest to join. I even asked my friends to participate since we all had experience in writing being fanfiction writers and whatnot. I mean I know fanfiction writing and essay writing is two different thing but its the experience and want that counts. Not to mention the prize is quite the cha-ching wwwww (it doesn’t make sense ik but whatever).

And now I am determined to write/type this essay, submit it, participate and probably come back with the prize? It’s fine without the prize though at least I’ll enjoy writing this. (I have a lotta tabs in my browser idek there’s like t&c at one part and then there’s SoraMafu I’m like ??? What am I doing with my life) Ok that is why I write this blog post in the first place wwwwww. Well people do weird stuff when they’re determined. Or is that just me? Meh. See ya!

^^;

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